


a thousand times or more

by dogeared



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e06 Iron Sisters, First Kiss, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-01 00:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12144861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogeared/pseuds/dogeared
Summary: Alec hasn’t been able to stop thinking about kissing Magnus.





	a thousand times or more

Alec hasn’t been able to stop thinking about kissing Magnus.

It sneaks up on him all the time, the fractured memory of that first firm, breathless press of his lips against Magnus’s. The way heat flashed in a wave over his whole body, the way his awareness narrowed for a few seconds to the slick slide of their mouths, the shared rasp of their breath, the warmth of Magnus held against him, his lapels gripped tight in Alec’s fists. And then the world beyond the two of them came flooding back into his consciousness again, a shaky rush of exhilaration and freedom and everything that came after.

It means that there’s a new kind of sharp and vivid longing that’s always in the back of Alec’s mind, now, waiting to ambush him the moment his focus wavers. When he’s training alone and has to pause to catch his breath; when his attention drifts during a briefing, distracted by the play of light through stained glass windows; and especially, especially on the nights when he’s not out on patrol, when he’s safely behind the closed door of his bedroom, pressing the pads of his fingers against his own lips and daring to imagine other kisses. When he thinks about Magnus wanting him _back_ and slides his hand down, down, forgetting to be quiet and gasping out loud in the still darkness.

Tonight, Alec had thought that maybe he was going to get to kiss Magnus again. That finally being on their long-promised date would mean a step forward. Alec had been having fun, had been enjoying the crackle of anticipation that being with Magnus gave him, once he got a handle on the jumble of feelings and sensations. He was nervous, but also a little loose and flushed from the alcohol, and from the clear spark of interest in Magnus’s gaze. It was always heady to be the focus of Magnus’s attention, to be in his orbit, and it made Alec want to show off, made him want to make Magnus laugh and get him to move closer, closer. 

Except that now, sitting just a few inches away from Magnus at the bar, when Alec could reach out and touch if he wanted to, it feels like there’s an impossible chasm opening up between them, and he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Getting to know each other was supposed to make all of this easier, but instead everything’s suddenly off-kilter. Cold sweat prickles the back of Alec’s neck, the old suspicion that there’s something irreparably wrong with him, and then there’s a buzzing in his head that drowns out everything else and lasts until Magnus is opening the door and they’re stepping through into his loft. 

It’s all Alec can do to resist the urge to turn back around and just run. He’s embarrassed and heartsore and most of all, resigned that maybe this wasn’t supposed to happen between them after all. He says, “Look, I’m— I should go,” and he’s not sure whether he’s letting Magnus or himself off the hook when he turns away.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and all he can see is a life of loneliness and longing stretching out before him. Leaving means giving up a chance at something better, it means giving up Magnus, and he just _can’t_. And maybe—

Turning back toward Magnus, his throat tight, Alec says, “Look, I don’t care how many people you’ve been with,” and it’s the truth. All he cares about is that somehow, Magnus chose _him_.

“I don’t care how many people you _haven’t_ been with,” Magnus answers, and he sounds sure, but he doesn’t close the space between them. He watches Alec like he’s letting it sink in and waiting to see what Alec is going to do. He lets Alec come to him, lets Alec be the one to step close and lean in and kiss Magnus again, this time as gently as he knows how.

It’s everything and nothing like the kiss at his interrupted wedding. No one else is here. No one is watching. This is for just the two of them, and it’s just as completely overwhelming as it was the first time. Alec’s heart is beating so fast that it’s making him a little lightheaded, and he can feel his hands trembling as he tries to figure out where to touch Magnus, how to keep him right here. There’s something bright and full rising in Alec’s chest. He kisses Magnus, and Magnus kisses him back, and it’s sweet and tentative and hopeful and feels like the beginning of something new. 

(Alec dreams, that night, of a hundred more kisses, a thousand. Kisses to say hello and goodbye and I’m sorry and I missed you. Kisses in the shadows of tall buildings, in the sunlight of green courtyards. Kisses to comfort and to tease, kisses deep and slow, kisses between gasps, between laughter, lips pressed against lips that are smiling, that are chilled from the cold or hot with wanting or stained from punch at a party or humming with magic. A lifetime of kisses, maybe. If he’s lucky.)


End file.
